A Real Predicament
The new neighborhood was located near the river, which suited Charles's disposition since he always felt a sense of peace around lakes, ponds, and other waterways. To get to know his new neighbors, he would take his dog Rusty for a walk in the early mornings and then in the evenings. Dogs can provide a good door opener for conversation. Over the course of a few weeks, Charles and Rusty were able to meet a number of neighbors, mostly friendly, including some children playing in their yards or playing football in the street. This place was beginning to feel like home. Charles was hoping that he could make some real friends.
A Stranger
On one of his late afternoon excursions around the neighborhood, Charles and Rusty ran into a group of children playing hopscotch on a driveway. He felt the urge to join in; it had been many years since he had played with any children. The kids liked Rusty and were open to having an adult join their fun. It brought back many childhood memories of the joys of being a child without the worries of the world hanging over him.
It just so happened that Charles had some leftover Halloween candy in his pocket, and he was more than happy to share it with the children. They were excited to accept his benevolence since a piece of candy and playing hopscotch seemed to go together well. All the while, a neighbor was watching the goings-on from his bedroom window and saw this “stranger” give out these gifts to all of the children, one of them being his 9-year-old daughter. Charles was completely unaware that he had done anything other than be friendly, but this neighbor saw things differently.
The next day, Charles hears a knock on his door, and it’s a policeman. The officer asks if Charles was the man observed by a neighbor who gave candy to his child and other neighborhood children without permission. Charles acknowledged that, yeah, he was the “culprit,” still not understanding that he had done anything wrong. He was told that a complaint was made about this event. The neighborhood had recently experienced some unwelcome visitors in the area and the residents were especially concerned about their children’s safety. Charles apologized to the policeman for his role in the situation and told him he would be much more careful around the children from now on. It surprised Charles that a neighbor felt it necessary to complain to the police first rather than speak directly to him.
This event did not stop Charles and Rusty from making their “rounds” each day and being outwardly friendly with everyone they came in contact with, including the children. On one such occasion, Charles saw one of those young children, probably a 9-year-old girl, in her yard alone and crying. They approached her reservedly with the hope of finding out if there was anything Charles could do to help. The young girl was scared, and it appeared that she had a bruise on her cheek. Her condition raised all kinds of red flags. She was not able to speak about what happened but just cried. How should he proceed? Should he knock on the door and talk to the girl’s parents, or should he notify the authorities about a potential child abuse situation? Charles was in a real predicament, but he knew he needed to do something. God had put him in this place to do something. He believed God was leading him to talk to the parents to determine if he should bring others into the matter.
The Predicament
A few weeks later, Charles and Rusty are roaming the neighborhood, getting exercise, helping Rusty take care of his business, and looking for anyone to be friendly with. He is really starting to enjoy his new neighborhood and believes God has placed Rusty and him here for a purpose. On many of his trips around the block, Charles has noticed a woman working intently on her garden along the driveway and in the front of her house. She appears very passionate about her gardening efforts, and the results of her work support that conclusion. She is a gifted gardener. At different times, she has also been very friendly and open to conversation.
Sarah (that’s her name) is especially open to dialogue with Charles on this particular day. She tells him she has three children, and her husband is very busy with his work and does not find a great deal of time to spend with her and the children. Charles is an inviting ear to Sarah, who has few good friends and is feeling exceptionally open to talk about many things, even some very deep, personal matters. It appears to Charles that she really needs a friend, although he is uncomfortable with the intensity of the conversation.
After this, Charles and Rusty see Sarah nearly every day, and she looks forward to continuing the exchange, becoming more and more free to share her deepest thoughts and concerns with Charles. He believes that God has put him in this place to encourage and befriend Sarah, but He is feeling that this ongoing communication and friendship with Sarah is dangerous. What would her husband think about her new friend? Sarah is a very attractive woman, and Charles is aware of his own loneliness. There is real potential that something more than friendship could develop between the two. Charles has found another predicament. Should he immediately cut off any communication with Sarah and leave her on her own, or could they monitor their feelings for each other and keep things on a plutonic level?
What’s the Right Choice?
Out of these concerns, Charles changes his scheduled walks with Rusty so as not to see Sarah so often, but that approach doesn’t work so well. Sarah is outside working on her garden nearly every time that Charles and Rusty come around and a deeper interchange seems to be the end result. They try restricting their communication to just prayer, but that doesn’t work either. She is telling Charles about how lonely she is and how inadequate she feels to please her husband. He seems to be satisfied with his own lifestyle apart from her and the children, constantly finding excuses to work longer hours and be away from the home. She feels like a servant instead of a wife and doesn’t know what to do. Charles has given her a welcome ear, and their ongoing communications have confirmed a compatibility between the two. She also really loves Rusty. All the while, Charles is feeling a deep connection to Sarah and this scares him. It is obvious to both that they have crossed the line into a real love for each other.
No-Touch Love
As her relationship with Charles grows, Sarah becomes aware of how bankrupt her relationship with her husband really is. At one point, she is able to confront him with these concerns, and he is willing to admit to Sarah that he has not been a good husband and asks for her forgiveness. He wants things to be normal again and expresses a desire to show her more love. These changes are apparent in his relationship with the children, but Sarah still does not trust that he loves her any more than before. He is still managing her as before. He still demands that she meet his needs. It appears to Sarah that any love she had for him is dead. She also does not understand how it could take her husband so long to be willing to admit failure and change.
Charles and Sarah have reached the point where their love for each other, without having had any physical connection to each other, is overwhelming, and they cannot separate themselves from each other. Sarah needs the steady guidance of Charles’s wisdom, prayers, and comfort, while Charles cannot leave Sarah to fend for herself. It is a hopeless situation. Yet, all the while, neither of them is being urged by God to stop communication with each other. Charles and Sarah decided to wait on God to lead them, not making any decisions apart from Him.
What is Divorce
Certainly, the Scriptures define the holiness of the marriage covenant before God and also God’s desire for some kind of reconciliation whenever possible. Jesus spoke of only one acceptable consideration for divorce in Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." The Greek word translated immorality is porneia (where we get the word pornography), and it refers to any sexual sin. This would include fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and other sexual perversions.
The
Apostle Paul spoke about this matter in 1 Corinthians 7:15 and added to Jesus’s
statement when he said, Yet, if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave;
the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has
called us to peace. Paul was addressing the issue of a believer married to
an unbeliever and the issue of abandonment. To understand Biblical marriage,
the believer should understand the nature and conditions for divorce, believing
that Scripture identifies divorce as a last option. In this way, it should
never be used for convenience.
God’s Answer
In light of Charles and Sarah’s predicament, to remain pure in their relationship with God, they must remain physically separated from each other until Sarah’s existing marriage is Biblically over. Since the only acceptable conditions are sexual immorality or abandonment (I would add physical or emotional abuse), then Sarah needs to wait until and unless at least one of these conditions is met so that a Biblical divorce is possible. At the same time, she should give her husband any opportunity to make things right in the relationship.
Pastor
Bill Alderson
rwalderson.com
4-4-24
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